Shattered Roads
by HamsterCastiel
Summary: Kili and Fili didn't always get along. In fact after Kili was born, Fili hated him more than anything and poor Kili didn't know why his brother behaved like that toward him. All he wanted was a brother to look up to. Can they fix their infected brothership? Co-writer Anne the Archer


Kili wasn't sure what he had done wrong to deserve this. As he watched other dwarves tease and play with their brothers, laugh and have the time of their lives, Kili was sitting on the porch of their home using a stick to draw on the ground. He felt envious of the close bonds between the other dwarves, since he didn't have that. For some reason his own brother seemed to despise him. Fili, his older brother barely talked to him, and if he did he always snapped from something or talked down to him. Kili didn't know what could possibly anger his brother that way, the brother he still looked up to as he practiced, the brother he wanted to be able to call a brother, and not someone who hated him more than anything.

Fili's life wasn't exactly a dance on roses. He was shorter than most dwarves and had boots to make him look taller, he practiced with his double swords, throwing knives and axes several hours a day and he did all he could to get to join his uncle when he travelled. He was one of the youngest dwarves in the Blue Mountains, only older than his brother Kili, whom he spent so much time ignoring. It was not that he hated him. But he just could not get around Kili's childish urges and foolish ideas.

After days of begging and whining, his uncle had finally caved in and started to teach Kili how to use a bow, the young dwarf taking everything he learnt into his heart and practiced every day for hours, slowly growing more steady handed with his aim. He tried to approach his brother one day, holding the bow in his hand. "Want to practice together?"  
Fili took one look at the bow and frowned. "With an elvish weapon? I don't think so." Then he turned and walked off, not knowing exactly where to go. As long as Kili wasn't there, it would be a merry place.

Fili sighed and took up one of his throwing knives and studied his face in the reflection. He was 79 years old but he thought he looked like he was only 50, his beard growing out because he wanted to braid it when it got long ennough. He had seen onder dwarves do this and he thought it looked so cool! He threw the knife and it nailed itself in the wood of his bed on the same spot he always hit. Maybe Kili could do the same with an arrow? No, there was no way his clumsy little brother could hit anything with that deadful bow!

Kili's grip from his bow tightened at his brother's words, and he stood frozen on his spot watching him yet again leave. It hurt more than anything, his heart aching in his chest as he slowly slid on the ground, hugging his knees against his chest. He was only 74 summers old and most of those years he had felt the same sorrow, the same pain of not belonging. It happened every single time when he came close to Fili, hsi brother would brush him off like he was air, or laugh that he didn't have a proper beard yet. He laughed to the fact that Kili was surprisingly lonely, even if he himself could fix that.  
He was good with the bow, even Thorin had been surprised. If only Fili gave him a chance...  
Kili shook his head and stood up, bow slung over his back. If he wasn't needed or wanted there, fine.  
Mind made up Kili ran into the forest, disappearing from the sight.

Kili didn't return from the woods that day, or the next day either and his parents started to grow worried as well as Thorin. It wasn't like Kili to just run off like that, so it was obvious the young dwarf had had enough of something and wasn't interested in returning. It didn't take a long guess to know what was the reason, so Thorin confronted Fili about it the next day, officially two days after Kili's disappearance. "Go look for your brother. You know it's your fault he has run off. All he wanted was you to accept him as he was, he wanted his brother, Fili." Thorin didn't look happy, Fili sinking lower under the gaze.

"it is not my faut that brat ran off," Fili complained, but in the end, he did what his uncle had told him to do. He packed some food and strapped his weapons to his belt before he walked out into the forest. Fili had never liked it in the forest. The air was so close and the wind was muffled by trees. On the other hand, there was no way to run out of wood for a fire, so at least Kili had not frozen to death. Fili actually expected to find his brother lie dead somewhere, maybe drowned in a lake or killed by wolves.

If Fili had disliked his brother before, this was the bottom of the bottle. He had been walking for hours, going deeper and deeper into te woods, convinsed that his brother had gone that way as well. It was hard to walk because there was no path in this part and he kept stumbling in roots and hit his head in low branches. His extra tall boots did not help him either, because they made him stumble even more than he would have done without them.

Fili noticed that it had begun to grow dark outside and the woods made everything even gloomier. It was silent all around him, he could hear no birds anymore. And then he heard it. A distant howl that sent shivers down his spine. A pack of wolves had began tonights hunt. They howled again and Fili realised that they were no wolves. Wargs, he thought ad his hand went to the hilt of his sword. He listened again, trying to make out what they were howling about. Thorin had learned him a fair amount about Wargs when they had travelled together. Suddenly, his blood froze. They had caught the sent of something and they were _behind_ him. His eyes flew wide open as he put the pieces together. "KILI!"

Kili's head snapped up at the shocked shout he heard echoing in the woods, pushing himself to sit up listening carefully. He had made a small camp in a clearing, the fire casting orange glow and shadows around him. The shout was heard agai and he didn't even hesitate before running through the dark woods. Thanks to his aiming trainings he was used to run fast in a ground like that, hoisting himself up in the trees after realizing running straight into anger wouldn't be smart move as he continued his journey crouching down carefully. What he saw in the closeness of the rocks and trees made his blood freeze. Fili, his brother against two Wargs. Even one was too much for young warves like them. And despite Fili treating him the way he always did, Kili couldn't let him die. He knew that there were risks, if he missed he would be the target or he could accidentally shoot his brother. With his uncle's teaching in his mind, he stood up on the branch, few meters up in the air and aimed the arrow, shooting it clean through the Wargs left eye that had closed up to his brother, pulling another arrow aiming at the other Warg.

The arrow had appeared so suddenly that it made Fili jump. He whielded around, but he could see no one nearby. The remaining Warg snarled at him and he turned back, just in time to see it open it's huge jaws. He twisted away, but stumbled in his boots and fell on his back, his swords flying out of his hands. If anyone should see him now, they would probably laugh their asses off. He found one of the throwing knives and flung it at the warg, but it just bounced off the gigantic scull.

Aiming the second and third arrow, Kili shot them at the Warg, both arrows going through the wolf's mouth making it fall on a heap on the ground. Kili was breathing hard, before this day he never really had to use his weapon like this and it made him feel shaky. He braced himself in the tree, inching closer to the tip so he could see the tiny figure of his brother. "Fili! Are you hurt?"

Fili sat up, looking around. "Kili? Brother, were are you?" He got to his feet and picked up his swords, looking all around for his brother. And then he found him, purched on a branch above him. He had never been so glad to see his brother in all his life! In fact, he had never been glad to see his brother before this. A wave of shame hit him when he remembered every foul word he had told his brother. it swallowed him and it felt like there was no end.

Kili watched his brother move relieved, not noticing any signs that would indicate that he had been hurt. He had been in time. Placing the bow back behind himself, he slipped down from the tree using his hands to land neatly on his knees, brushing his hands together. "What are you doing here? You could have gotten yourself killed." Kili said walking over to the Wargs, pulling the arrows out of their bodies. Just a wash up and he could use them again.

Fili pulled his brother into a bone-crushing hug, a gesture he had never done before in his whole life. It felt a bit weird to embrace Kili, but so right at the same time. "I thought I'd never see you again," Fili whispered, tears in his eyes. He did not want to let go, but he did it anyway and looked his brother up and down. He was not clumsy at all! He moved as graciously as an elf, but fought with the fierce power of a dwarf. The bow had just saved Fili's life and he knew that he wound never doubt it again. Not would he doubt his brother.

Kili froze in his brother's arms, eyes wide in pure shock and surprise. Fili had never hugged him, never shown any signs of comfort or affection towards him. "F-Fili...are you sure you're alright?" Kili asked unsure, patting his shoulder awkwardly. Maybe his brother had hit his head or something, there couldn't be another logical explanation.

Fili shook his head and looked down at his oversized shoes. "No," he whispered and looked up at Kili. "How can I be alright when I treat you like like I do! I am the biggest idiot in the Blue Mountains and I hate myself for all the mean things I've ever said to you!" He burst into tears and sat down on the ground, covering his face with his hands. "I am so sorry brother!"

That was the last thing Kili excepted to happen, standing stock still for a moment, unsure how to proceed into the situation before carefully kneeling on the ground before his brother. He had never seen Fili like this, open and showing his emotions, actually apologizing. "Brother...do you really feel that bad?" He asked quietly, brushing his fingers through his own hair. "Tell me. Tell me why you treated me like that, like you wanted me to die?"

Here it came. Fili actually had no good explenation, except that he thought his brother childish and foolish. But he had realised that he was the foolish one who would trade his brother for "acceptance" from the other dwarves. He just shook his head, not daring to look at his brother. He was ashamed for so many things and crying like this in front of Kili was deffinetly one of them.  
"Was I a burden?" Kili asked placing his hand on his hip, trying to understand his brother. "Unwanted? Annoying?" He sighed silently. "All I wanted was a brother like everyone else had. A brother who would teach me how to hunt and help me practice, a brother who would tease me in a good way and a brother who would be my friend." He sounded sorrowful at the end, turning his head away.

"I wish I could say that you're asuming wrong, but you're not. I though you childish and foolish, but I have realised that it is actually the other way around. I am the foolish one who can't even be himself and trades his brother for what? To be a part of the 'gang'? I would never be, no matter what I did." He wiped his tears away and pulled off one of his boots, then the other. Slowly, he stood up and realised that Kili was at leadt two inches taller than him. "This is the real me. A short, foolish dwarf!"

Kili's expression softened as he watched his brother rant, watched his erratic breathing like he was waiting for Kili to push him away like he had done. Instead he placed his hand on Fili's shoulder. "That is who you are, and you're still my brother. How tall you are, or how round, how hairy or clumsy, it doesn't matter. That's what makes you _you_ brother, don't you see it?"

Fili shook his head slowly and looked down to the ground again. He could not believe it. Why was Kili so nice to him after all he had done? How could he even stand here and _look_ at him? If Fili was in Kili's shoes right now, he would have slapped his brother so hard that he fainted and then left him in the woods to be eaten by the Wargs!  
"It's true that we started off with the wrong foot..and whatever I did to anger you like this, I apologize for it." Kili sighed crouching down and handing his brother his boots back. "It's too late for you to return back home. Come with me, my camp is not far away."

Slowly, Fili pulled on his boots again and followed Kili. This had turned out to be quite different from what he had imagined. He thought back to before the Wargs and realised he hand been sure that Kili had died off somewhere. He had even hoped that his brother would be dead! And now it seemed like Kili would forgive him. It was obvious that Kili had a big heart, even bigger than he had and he had never before felt so ashamed and small as he felt now.

Fili sat down on the oposite side of the fire, not wanting to talk to his brother. But now it was different from what it had been this morning. He did not want to talk to Kili in fear of saying something wrong. And he could not find any words either, so he just stared into the flickering fire.  
Kili let the silence continue for a small while before finally breaking it, not used on being with his brother like this. "Fili...I'm not angry at you. True, I was sorrowfull and felt unwanted and worthless, but not angry."

"Why not? I would be furious if I was in your place!" Fili almost spat the words in the way that he usually talked to his brother, but he caught himself and sounded more sad and upset.  
Kili smiled sadly, carefully. "Because you're still the only brother I have."  
Fili looked down again and frowned a little. "What if our mother gave you a new brother?" He knew he was walking on thin ice, but he could not help it. He wanted Kili to hate him, if not only for a month or two so that he could 'pay his debt'.  
"Then we would be blessed." Kili replied easily, throwing himself on his back on the ground with a yawn. "And I'd make sure to be the best big brother ever." He turned his head a little so he'd look straight at Fili. "And I'd help you through it as well. Can't scare another brother away after all."

The notion actually made Fili laugh and he looked at his brother, trying to figure out if there was any irony behind what he had just said. If not just a little bit, enough to let Fili know that he had hard feelings after all.  
Kili smiled at the laughter he managed to get out form Fili, looking happy for the first time in weeks, months. "Come on brother, let's sleep. It's late."  
Fili laid down on the ground, still looking at his brother. He seemed a bit pleased, but Fili did not bother wondering about why. Maybe he actually was as glad as he said he was?

Kili made sure his bow was where he could reach it, and threw more wood in the fire before laying down before the flames, orange painting over his face making shadows dance on his body before he slowly drifted in light sleep.

Unlike his brother, Fili could not sleep. He twisted and turned for hours before he just gave up and stared into the fire that was slowly burning out. He sat up and took up one of his hunting knives. He studied it like he had done the day Kili ran off, remembering the anger that had filled him as he threw it into his bed. Their parents must be worried, Thorin as well. But he decided to let them worry. He could not go home, not now. The shame was too great and what would he do when they returned to the mountain? He knew nothing about how to be a brother. How could he and Kili get that relationship that his brother had wanted for so long?

Kili woke at the crack of dawn, rolling over on the ground to look at his brother who looked like he hadn't slept at all and it worried Kili. He pushed himself to sit up, stretching and yawning. "Fili? My brother, did you not sleep at all?"  
Fili shook his head, feeling how heavy his eyelids were. But he had not been able to sleep with all the mamories haunting him. So he had just given in for them and stared blankly into the fire, drowning in the mean words he had used against Kili.

Kili hesitated a moment before walking over to his brother, taking a seat beside him in silence. "I'm not blaming you. It will be a trial, but I'm sure we can fix this." he glanced over at Fili. "If you wish it to be repaired of course.."  
Fili turned his head, his neck cracking with stiffness. He looked at Kili, feeling so helpless and empty. It had taken all night to go trough everything he regretted, but as they came before him, they left him. They did not seem to matter anymore. But because Fili had used most of his life hating his brother, there was almost noting left inside him. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice dry and creaking.

"Fili, my brother, look at me." Kili pleaded eyes wide and earnest. "I still want you as my brother. I still want to have what I've dreamt off and I'm sure we can achieve that."  
Fili felt like a piece of sundried leather when he lifted his hands to ruffle Kili's hair. Every muscle in his body complained louldy and he managed a smile. "I'm sure we can make that happen."

Kili's cheeks turned light pink at the sign of affection, eyes positively shining at new found hope and love towards his brother. "Then I'm glad. But you should try to sleep while I'll make us breakfast. Then we have to go back, our kind are worried of us."  
Fili shook his head. "I could not sleep, even if you hit me in the head with the flat side of my sword. But a little to eat would help." He felt weak, but mostly because of the lack of sleep.

Kili looked over to his brother concerned, preparing the bird he shot for them to eat and handed a little over half of it to Fili sneakily, sitting down to eat himself. "I'm concerned brother. You're in no condition to walk home like that, you need sleep."  
"I have told you, I cannot sleep," Fili said and sat down beside Kili. "I just cannot close my eyes and relax."

Kili tilted his head a little, waiting till they had finished their breakfast and cleared the dishes away before returning to his brother. "Come on, lay down." Kili said sitting on the ground, motioning his brother to lay his head on his lap.  
Fili hessitated a moment before he laid down. "Why are you so good to me Kili?" he asked as he closed his eyes.

"Because you told me we'd try. I'm not going to hold grudge against you for the rest of our lives, brother. I will record over the old memories with new ones." Kili said softly, sliding his fingers carefully through his brother's unbraided hair.  
Fili smiled with his eyes closed, knowing that Kili meant what he said. Still, he felt like something held him back. The same thing that had hated Kili so much. It made no sense to him, so he ignored it and let his younger brother play with his hair.

Kili hummed silently under his breath, singing a song his uncle had taught him one evening, hoping to calm his brother down and slowly Fili felt sleep grasp for him. He laid there, listening to the voice of his brother, letting it take him down to it's kingdom of dreams. Soon, he was snoring heavily, dreaming of happy days to come with his brother.

Fili woke when the sun was high on the sky, signaling that mid-day had come. He noticed that he was sleeping with his arms wrapped around Kili who also had fallen asleep, their faces just an inch from each other. His first thought was to crawl back on all four, but he remained his position and took some time to study Kili's face. He looked quite beautiful asleep, his long eyelashes making him look feminine.

Kili started to stirr and wake up when Fili shfted, his eyes opening slowly to notice his brother's face ere inches away from his own and smiled sleepily. "Morning, brother. Told you you just needed sleep." He murmured voice groggy, pushing himself to sit up.  
"And you had too much," he said with a laugh, looking at Kili's sleepy face. He stretched and felt his muscles crack before they relaxed again. "I think we should head back soon. Our mother will be worried to death!"

"I know." Kili agreed pulling up his bed roll up and in his bag, gathering up his bow and arrows. "Come on then brother, let us return back home."  
Fili got his swords and tucked them into his belt, his gaze swooping over their tiny camp to look after any forgotten knives. When he found none, he turned to Kili and frowned. "Shall we go then?"  
Kili nodded, hoisting his bag on his back motioning Fili to follow him and started to lead them out of the forest and towards home. He still found it hard to believe that Fili had come for him, that so much had changed in one night and he partly excepted it to go back to how it was when they'd reach home.

Fili walked behind Kili for a while, but then he decided to chat with his brother and get to know him better. It seemed a little weird that they were brothers and yet he knew nothing about him. "Why don't you teach me the bow when we get back? It proved to be quite handy," he said with a chuckle as he stepped forward to walk beside Kili.  
Kili turned his head surprised at his brother's suggestion, blinking few times. "If..If that is your wish, brother." He replied smiling at him, the hope fluttering inside him yet again.

Fili searched his brain for something to talk about, but all he could think of was his boots that made him stumble all the time. He looked at Kili and how equal high they were at the moment before he sighed. "What do you think about my boots?" Fili asked slowly, hoping it did not make him sound feminine.  
The qustion made Kili snort in amusement, grinning at his brother. "Why are you asking? Did the barmaid from the tavern want them back?" He teased lightly before glancing down properly. "Warm. They look like boots that can easily hold away the snows from the mountains."

"I was thinking more about how they make me five inches taller," Fili sighed and stepped over a root, making sure that he did not stumble.  
"I know." Kili chuckled smiling at him. He was a prankster and humorous, his brother would figure it out soon enough. "But I told you already what I think about your height."  
Fili suddenly remembered and turned a light shade of pink. He nodded curtly and looked down at his feet again so that he would not stumble. The boots actually annoyed him more than they were of use and he considered getting rid of them as soon as possible. And if anyone asked, he would tell them the truth.

Kili pointed at their town that came into the view, shuffling on his feet slightly. "Do you think uncle and mom are going to be angry with me?" He asked unsure, biting his lip.  
Fili turned to his brother and smiled softly. "No, honestly, I think they would blame me for the whole thing. Thorin did so before he ordered me to go looking for you."  
"But I can't let you take the blame either." Kili protested stopping before their home. "You had a reason...whatever it was to treat me like that, but you came for me. You wish to fix it. That's all that matters." He smiled.

Honestly, Fili had not wanted to come for Kili before he heard the Wargs howl, but he did not think it wise to inform his brother about this. Instead, he stopped and placed his left hand on Kili's shoulder and looked strictly at him. "I am to blame for this, not you. But I am glad that I came for you."  
Kili smiled up at his brother, nodding his head slowly. "So am I. Come on, they are waiting for us." he added taking his brother's hand pulling him inside their house.

Their parents were waiting for them in the living room and their mother, Dis, actually broke into tears when she was them standing there together. "Hi mom," Fili said unsure. "Hi mother." Kili greeted as well with a small smile, holding Fili's hand tightly in his own glancing up at his brother.  
Their mother looked at them with tears in her eyes. At first, Fili thought it was because they had both disappeared, but then he realised it was because they were together, holding hands.

Kili seemed to realize the same thig at the same time, his smile growing warmer and hopeful. "We're trying, mother. We talked after I saved him...He promised to try." Kili smiled at Fili.  
Fili felt that he had to argue playfully with his brother so that their mother would ser that it was true. "Actually, I ran for you to save _you_ from the Wargs when I was attacked myself. Kili hard my shouts and saved me before they manager to kill me."  
"You're lucky I heard you or you'd be their chewing toy right now." Kili gaped in mock shock, pushing Fili with his elbow grinning. "Three arrows, one through left eye, two through mouth. Instant death."

Fili could not help but to grin back at his brother. Their mother looked at them and gave each a hug, telling them how much she loved them and how happy she was for their newfound friendship while the brother's smiled at eachother.

That was the friendship that lasted to the days to come. Fili started to learn things about his brother, like how he loved to prank people and tease small children with horror stories about Orcs. Together they started to steal full barrels of ale from parties, they practiced every day together and learnt every light and shadowy side of eachother. Together they laughed, cried, sung. Together they joined the journey with their uncle. Together they fought to reclaim their beloved home, together they took the final hit and together they shared their last breaths.

That was the story of the heirs of Durin, passed down generations to come.

**Woah. Talk about long fanfiction...*holds head* I made myself sad.**


End file.
